Reflecting on the past...anticipating the future. How to make the most of the end of the year.
‘Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end’. This is one of my most favorite song lyrics by the band Semisonic from the late 90s. It seems to capture the complex process of transitions and milestones.
Reflecting on the past is paired with anticipating the future. For many, there is pressure to feel….something. Achievement for the past? Excitement for moving into the future? Where, then, is the space for grieving the past and fearing for the future? As therapists, we feel so fortunate to be the creators of that precious space where all feelings are welcome - especially those we don’t quite understand.
This time of year in particular, when the close of one calendar year allows the next to begin, is fraught with emotions for many.
There is seemingly endless pressure to brainstorm resolutions for the new year and to set goals around self-improvement and personal reinvention. The assumption is that we aren’t already good enough. Though looking forward to the new year can bring feelings of opportunity, possibilities, and anticipating the future. We often miss the chance to really appreciate all we have achieved, endured, and experienced in the year we are about to leave.
As couples therapists who specialize in relationships, connection, and healing trauma, we know the importance of slowing down and taking time to fully process all of our experiences before moving forward. We are big fans, then, of carving out time to reflect on all that happened in our last 365 days. Talk about the joys, remember the difficulties and who/what got you through them, remember the moments of grief - and gladness - and notice the growth you achieved as a result. Taking a step back to pause and center yourself before the next decade begins can help create the space you need to continue moving into the future in the most healthy way.
Sometimes we need a little help getting started. So, here are some reflection ideas:
The Positive Highlights – What are your great joys? When did you have the most fun? Which moments in the last year made you feel most alive? How can you create more of these in the next year?
The Challenges – What were the hardest things you experienced this year? How did you overcome them? What did these challenges teach you? How did you grow from them? How are you still hurting?
Game Changers – What lessons or experiences shifted your perspective this year? Why did these shifts occur? How are your new perspectives shaping the way you move into the new year?
The People – Who supported you this year? What did they do to make you feel loved, seen, heard? How were you a good friend to someone else? What was your most unexpected relationship? Which relationships do you want to invest in in the next year?
What are you proudest of? Maybe it was the way you responded to a situation, a milestone you reached, a goal you achieved, or the way you cared for a friend. Why are you proud of it?
If you feel ready, you can think about the year ahead – What are you going to focus on moving into the future? How will you care for yourself and your relationships? What will you prioritize?
Above all, we understand that sometimes it is easy to celebrate life and in other moments, it is profoundly difficult. Relationships are the key to surviving this world and they aren’t always easy to navigate. We would love to help you heal from last year’s pain, grow through the ongoing challenges, and build strong relationships to help connect you to the joy of moving into the future. Don’t wait until next year. Lets start now. Click here to schedule an appointment with one of our experts.
“For last year's words belong to last year's language And next year's words await another voice.” – T.S. Eliot