Effective Couples Therapy Where No One is the Bad Guy

Romantic relationships are complex and it is inevitable that, when you’re together long enough, conflicts will arise. When they do, if they aren’t resolved fully, emotional distance can build between partners making it difficult to communicate about anything. Nothing feels worse than unresolved conflict or walking around with tension in your relationship.

Our couples therapists in Denver specialize in helping all couples work through their stuck spots in a way that results in long lasting positive change. Whether your relationship challenges have grown over time, or something specific happened such as infidelity, we know how to help you work through it, and not just ‘get around it’ (which means it would keep coming back). Working through it in a manner that is balanced and allows both partners to feel heard and understood is critical for long term success. No one is the bad guy in emotionally focused therapy.

We know that it can be challenging to address important issues with each other in a way that doesn’t make matters worse. Often communication breaks down between partners and you start blaming each other for things. Once the blame game starts, it’s hard to end it and resolution can feel impossible. Feeling blamed by your partner is a really painful place to be.

One reason couples hesitate to enter couples therapy is because one or both partners fear they will feel blamed or ganged up on - either by the therapist or their partner. As emotionally focused therapists, we understand the deep hurt this type of experience can cause to the couple and to each partner individually. We know that unless both partners feel heard and understood, and that no one is the bad guy, the therapy process won’t work.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a research-based approach to couples counseling that was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 80’s. It’s been around for 40 years and one of the main reasons it is an effective couples therapy approach is that it relies on creating an environment where both partners feel respected and that neither partner is targeted as the problem. EFT for couples focuses on first understanding each partner’s experience and position and then works to reshape the way partners interact with each other. The goal is to reshape the patterns of interactions from negative patterns that lead to disconnection, to positive cycles that deepen connection.

EFT honors that beneath the surface of every argument lies an unmet emotional need, or a longing for connection. Conflicts aren’t viewed as isolated incidents that need to be talked through; instead, we see them as manifestations of conflicts that were never fully resolved and repeated situations where needs weren’t met. 

In EFT for couples, no one is blamed. Instead, we focus on understanding and exploring each partner’s experience and perspective in a way that allows us to uncover the unmet need or longing. Through this discovery process, a deeper level of empathy and compassion evolves, contributing to a new level of understanding and grace for one another.

One of the main reasons EFT therapists fully embrace this therapeutic approach is that at its core, EFT relies on fostering an environment where both partners feel heard, respected, and understood. This environment is necessary for both partners to feel safe opening up and letting their guard down. 

If you are longing for less conflict or more connection, please take that first step and contact us about couples/marriage counseling. Do not fear that you will feel blamed or that you will be ganged up on. It is our job to ensure that does not happen and that you experience effective couples therapy. We will ensure you feel there is plenty of space and support for both of you to share, listen, and learn.

If you have had a previous couples therapy experience that left you feeling blamed or ganged up on, don’t let that be the reason you don’t give your relationship the chance to thrive that it deserves. Reach out to our client engagement specialist for a complimentary phone consultation so she can answer your unique questions and connect you to one of our EFT couples therapists so you can get started.